One day I listened to a short snippet of a video presentation from Brendon Burchard, a life coach, and motivational speaker on the topic of personal development. Brendon stated, “The only person you should try to be better than is the person you were yesterday.” This phrase really stuck with me because it made me realize that I should always try to be better than I was yesterday; regardless of what others tell us. I began to reflect on inner peace and not being in competition with anyone but myself. Furthermore, realizing that inner peace can only reside in someone who is not interrupted or distracted by the view or opinions of others. You are not alone in struggling with the pressure of what other people think. It is a well-known fact that people care entirely too much about what others think of them. This drives all of their decision-making, judgment, and fears. Individuals are so concerned with what other people may say or think about them that they forget to live and focus on living their lives in peace and authenticity.
Still, it is a common concern and one that faces many people in any society. Scientists believe this concern is rooted in evolution. There was a time when being ostracized from the group meant certain death. You simply couldn’t survive on your own 30,000 years ago. You needed help to survive and thrive for basic needs. It was useful to be concerned about how you appeared to others. However, you don’t have to completely rely on a village of people to remind you of who you are and who you are becoming. We have many resources for survival and more opportunities than before. In this time, space, and reality, you do not need to fight off the savages in the next village to survive. A scarcity mindset will always lead to considering what others think about you. We are not talking about poverty or environmental oppressions that can promote barriers for certain populations, but rather we are addressing the need to be dependent on others for approval or recognition of who we are and what we desire.
Here, we will provide you with some tips and tricks to help you stop caring what others think of you and start living through the best version of yourself. Keeping these ideas in mind will help you to let go of outdated programming and live life on your own terms:
ALMOST NO ONE ACTUALLY CARES From the time we enter school until the day we say goodbye to life, it seems that we believe that others care about what we’re doing, how well we are doing, and why we are doing it. In reality, most people have other concerns that take priority over ours. On the other hand, it can feel lonely if no one is there to celebrate with you, or to share in your triumphs and failures. However, this is not to say that others do not care about us; just that they are usually concerned with more important things than what we are doing or why we are doing it. If they do care, then it is a result that someone is trying to live their life through you, and boundaries are needed to maintain your life in the way that you sit fit.
THE SMOKE CLEARS QUICKLY Even if you get everyone’s tongues wagging about your divorce, affair, job loss, or nose job, everyone will move on quickly. It won’t be a week before people go back to their own priorities. We all have a past and we all have a story. Whether it's good, bad, or ugly, it doesn't matter. We are not defined by our pasts and we should not let them define us. It's important to take the time to reflect on our lives and learn from the mistakes that we made in the past. But at the end of the day, everyone will move on to the next “entertaining” story or fad.
YOU CAN NOT PLEASE EVERYONE Ever. Everyone has different expectations and preferences and every situation has different stakes. For example:
● You are proud to have purchased a vehicle. You will receive compliments on your $100k car from some people, while others will look down on you for making what they consider to be a frivolous purchase.
● You are personally invested in your health and wellness. As a result, you lose 50 pounds and you will receive compliments from some, while others will tell you that you look unhealthy and should see a doctor.
● You have always wanted to have kids and give back to impoverished communities. You could adopt a family of third-world orphaned toddlers and someone will be upset that you brought foreigners into the country.
● You want a pet for a companion. Some people will ask you why did you adopt a cat. Then, they will inform you that you should have gotten a dog.
● You have a different musical taste than your usual friend group so you go to see the Rolling Stones in concert? Your friends will say that their music stinks.
You see…it is hard to please everyone all the time. It is even more of a waste of time and effort to people-please. The results are always undue accounts of self-effort. If you think you’re putting in too much effort, you need to adjust your perception. Clinging to the idea that “I just can’t do this on my own, I need help” is another way of telling yourself what others want from you. Regardless of what you do, some people will approve, and some others will not.
MOST OF THE TIME, THEY DO NOT KNOW THE AUTHENTIC YOU No one knows what is best for you. You can’t even figure that out for yourself half of the time, but you have a better idea than your cubicle mate at work. Others don’t know you well enough to have a valid opinion. , so they are at best guessing. It’s not always your fault. Sometimes you don’t know what you want. It can be hard to open up and admit to a situation where you are feeling confused, scared, or unsure of who you are or what the future holds. It is easier to pass the blame on someone else, whom you have only known from an encounter or as a work colleague to inform you of who you are. Sure, that makes perfect sense.
THE END RESULTS ARE YOURS TO HANDLE The end results are yours to deal with, good or bad. The results of your choices are your responsibility. The bad choices you make are yours to clean up. The good results you receive in life are yours to enjoy. Make your own decisions, because you’re alone in dealing with the consequences. Responsibility does not mean punishment or rewards: it means the ability to act and make decisions. The idea of being the “master of your own fate” is a reminder to take action and make decisions without relying on other people or situations to tell you what to do. What may work for you, may have been the downfall of others but that does not mean giving up and being fearful.
LIFE IS SHORT The years fly by, especially as you get older. One day just melts into the next. It only makes sense to live your life your way. You don’t need to worry about what society or your loved ones dictate as a standard of what should be done. There is no perfected perfection to make sure your life is as neat and tidy as it can be before you die. You should not look back at your life and regret things you did or didn’t do. If anything, you should try to live with an optimistic view and embrace the full experience of every pleasant moment.
IT GETS EASIER Once you stop basing your choices on the opinions of others, you quickly learn that it does not matter what others think. It gets easier to care even less the next time. The next time that someone criticizes you must accept that is it limited by the perception in which they see themselves. Then you are considered, to a small portion, of the limits from their perception. Still, we cannot change what’s been done, but you can change how much it matters to you.
You do not need many people in your circle to thrive in today’s world. Those who matter are on your side. The rest are irrelevant. Stop being overly concerned about what others think and you’ll feel a new freedom to live the life you want. Simply, stop the madness. Who cares about what others think of you? Caring about what others think promotes self-internalized shame and guilt for being your authentic self. Stop living through the control of others just because they have an opinion of you. Do not let what others think to cause unnecessary stress in your life. This is your life. Live your life and enjoy it as much as possible because eventually, someday, you will realize that being you is more than enough. We all want to be loved and accepted. But if you are not satisfied with who you are, seeking assurance and approval from others will never be the answer that resonates with your authentic self.
