5 Ways to Approach Fear of Your Partners Emotional Reaction

When there exists a consistent fear of losing a relationship, we are more inclined to avoid confrontation or address issues. Normally, their exists a belief that things will worsen or create an unnecessary argument. This type of avoidance neglects the fearful individuals initiation of vital communication that could address doubts, insecurities, and trust issues. and instead upholds being afraid of our partners' reactions or dismissal of our feelings. Either way, the survival of the relationship is at risk. The risk is that underlying issues compile and are unresolved. The initial issues do become a feedback loop that creates more monuments of fear and emotional unfulfillment. Essentially, the relationship becomes more about "keeping the peace." 

1. Your Stance and Approach

The alternative is to have a plan in mind to address issues that protects the rationale of how you came to understand your emotions and not taking on the responsibility of "keeping the peace." Understanding that your approach towards asking your partner questions is critical to how your partner responds. For example, if you approach your partner with a tone of voice or body language that automatically sends the message that you reject their response will most likely shut down a safe space to feel vulnerability to speak on the issues. The reaction becomes more of a "defensive" response which means at some point your partner feels that your question may not be appropriate or attack their insecurities as an individual or being your partner.

2. Authentic Intention

 Ensuring that the intention behind the question that you would like to ask will not lead to more of the same is also essential. More of the same arguments sometimes reinforce patterns that lead to the same results and same responses. Suppose these are not issues that you had before your current relationship. In that case, it will be essential to outline what specific interactions, encounters, or instances had led to these present feelings from you and your partner's perspective. Are the issues that are being addressed valid, fair, and reasonable?

3. Evidence-Based

Presenting questions as a concern with evidence of the matter will be necessary. For example, if you are asking if your partner is communicating with an ex-lover, you both agreed that they would end all communication. Then is the purpose of your question to confront your partner or clarify why they defaulted on your initial agreement. There will also have to be a proposed plan to reach a better resolution, still defining what is acceptable or unacceptable to you in the relationship. 

4. Checking in with Self 

Internal reflection of your own unresolved issues concerning trust, insecurity, and doubt has should be considered. In this case, it may be essential to clarify these underlying issues in terms of what events or stressors have led to these responses. Ask yourself, "Are these my issues or issues that have been a result of events that have occurred in my relationship? Who displays these underlying issues more, my partner or me? Are the underlying issues true or valid and based on what evidence? How does my partner help to support or resolve these underlying issues?" If these issues resonate with you more, then it will be essential to work on ways to overcome by processing past issues from previous relationships, friendships, or even from issues during childhood that have carried over into your present identity and affecting your relationship. 

5. Effective Communication

Be clear on ways to use effective communication and decide on compromising approaches that will help resolve these issues or keep them from reoccurring. The difficulty will be to overcome "living in the past" or revisiting the past for fear that events will reoccur. The focus must be on solutions, options, and realistic expectations that help to reach a compromise. Time should be allowed for the compromise to take effect with follow-up and feedback. Still, if you find that these questions or approaches are unsuitable, attending couples counseling to allow an unbiased professional to help mediate and address these issues would be suitable. 



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